Originally Posted by River
It may help us in our understanding to examine what happens to pain when we wish--or act--to get rid of it prior to opening to it and allowing it.
In my exprience-this results in the pain growing. I think that is a lot of what we see when people make ultimatums. There is a pain-generally caused by a fear (sometimes unidentified) and we make ultimatums to avoid the pain thus we allow our fear to believe in itself and strengthen it's resolve to make us miserable.
Then we have to make MORE ultimatums and each one tends to limit us and our relationships a little more. If we don't stop at some point we end up lonely and alone.
Where as when we face the pain and learn about the fear we can see it's weaknesses and falsehoods. Then we can minimize and decrease the fear until eventually it's so small it's easy for us to control.