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Old 11-14-2011, 10:43 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

Thanks for all the comments thus far! This is absolutely fascinating!


This is a big concept with many variables that is hard for me to condense in this form, so bear with me I'll try and elucidate.

So when I interact with people in a variety of context I can have many different feelings for them. Sometimes I meet people and the interaction holds nothing special, maybe a bank teller. We do our business and go our separate ways. Sometimes though, you meet some one and there's like a friendship spark. There's one bank teller that I like to go to because we have a bit of a spark in that sense. I can see now that I left some things out. I definitely have felt intellectual chemistry or creative chemistry with people. I've realized that I rarely feel sexual chemistry with people. And I know, I know, I'm a virgin and I certainly realize that my sexuality will evolve and shift over time w/ experience. However, I didn't even experience being aroused by another person or the thought of another person until very late in life (my long long life :P) So, when I finally experienced sexual attraction, I realized that my whole life, I'd frequently mistaken emotional connection for sexual attraction. Obviously they can and do co-exist but they don't have to either. I can count on my fingers (and maybe a few toes) the number of people I have felt SEXUAL attraction/lust for. Where I just wanted to rip their clothes off and do naughty naughty things with them. This has been problematic because I either feel this intense sexual attraction or I'm totally repulsed by the idea of being physical with them in any sense, (kissing, cuddling, sex, etc).

And for me sexual attraction is mysterious. There is no type, physical or otherwise. I can find someone to be sexy and attractive but be repulsed by the idea of sex with them. I can feel an intense emotional bond, usually one like a lover might feel but not have the slightest hint of sexual or romantic attraction. I'm still trying to suss out the distinction between sex and romance for me. I'm not sure if I, personally, can separate them out. I think that I have felt romantic connections that had no sexual component. I just think it's unusual that there are so few people I feel that fluttery sexual tingly urge about. I'm curious to know how frequently other people feel sexually drawn to someone. I know that some people have lot of trouble connecting emotionally and don't do it with very many folks. Perhaps, I am like that sexually.

It appears that this is not how most people I've talked to work, not that it means there's something wrong with me per se.

@Brigid's Daughter - That's an interesting point you bring up. I don't know if I've ever been really attracted to someone primarily on the basis of intellect or creativity. I think that I perceive those two things as components of emotional bonding rather than separate indicators. That would be interesting to examine further. I suppose I lump all of the non-physical/pheremonal stuff into one big category. lol

@RP - I'm curious to know more about having a non-sexual boyfriend. Without sounding silly, how does that work? I'd like to know more about relationships of that kind. It sounds like something I might be interested in doing some day if the situation were right.

@Jade - I'd like to know more about the more pure sexual chemistry versus just having sex. For me, every time I've tried to be sexual with out "chemistry" it felt very damaging. How do the two experiences compare for you?

@Caichan - Thanks! I agree that it is very complex. I guess we could think of it as a point with lots of lines shooting out of it in different directions.
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