I don't think there's anything silly or archaic about looking for a woman rather than a man, if that's what you want. These people all sound super fake. :/ I wish I had some good advice, but I don't really. Maybe pull back on the dating thing and focus instead on making new friends, maybe join some new activity groups, and see if you meet cooler people.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.