Interesting thoughts. I'm a swinger and part of a poly quad. The funny thing is, I'm not that terribly sexual - sensual, yes, but low sex drive. I can enjoy a swing experience, very much even, without having a desire to repeat. Of course, as a woman, I don't need to maintain an erection, so my task is more to enjoy responding versus initiating. I can also be deeply emotionally attracted to people, though I don't open up easily, so my relationships generally develop slowly
. It can take years before I open up to a co-worker. Even in my quad, I'm still in the opening up process.
I watch people. I watch their actions, reactions, communication style. I examine what makes them smile, laugh, touch. I measure their trustworthiness. From this process, all my relationships develop. To give swinging its due, it has broken down some of my barriers to true intimacy. It's allowed me to work backwards. I've already played the end game. If I keep coming back, it's because there's a deeper connection. That's an awareness I cannot appreciate enough. But I digress
True sexual chemistry, for me, is a rarity. My sexuality, with those I love, is most often born of love and trust, rather than pure desire.
The combination of intimacy and sexual chemistry is one that I haven't learned to manage well yet. It is so rare that when I find it... it's happened three times in my life (and I'm not young anymore)... I don't want to let it go.
So, I suppose, despite all my practicality and logic, I am emotionally driven
My poor hubby. He could really use a more highly sexed creature! I'm so glad he has his OSO and swinging outlets.