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Old 11-13-2011, 08:23 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819
Default Sexual Attraction Versus Emotional Attraction

As I've dated more, I've thought a lot about sexual and emotional attraction.I'm beginning to learn how they work for me and I find it interesting how it is so different for different people. For instance, I find myself emotionally attracted to a preponderance of folks but sexually attracted to a very small percentage. In addition, I am either 100% sexually attracted or there's absolutely nothing. And I can be heavily emotionally attracted to someone, to the point of infatuation but feel nothing sexual for them.

In the shower this morning, I had an epiphany. Now, this may be way off base or maybe obvious. I imagined a spectrum of sexual and emotional attraction, kind of like a Kinsey scale. On the sexual end an individual would frequently feel sexually attracted to people and on the other it would be more like me, with lots of emotional attraction/connect. People could fall anywhere on the spectrum and some one in the middle would have a relatively equal frequency of sexual and emotional attraction.

Now, obviously I'm not trying to say that on one end people don't feel emotional attraction or that they just like to fuck a lot. I'm also not saying that both can't be together. I'm merely commenting on the type of chemistry or connection you feel more frequently, if any, when you meet people, ie strangers before they become involved with you. I would imagine that swingers would feel frequent sexual attractions that would allow them to enjoy sexual encounters with many people. I so rarely have sexual attraction for an individual that I would have a difficult time swinging on the basis that finding a partner would be challenging. I do also tend to connect physical and emotional intimacy. I would also imagine that many poly folk might frequently feel sexually attracted to individual folks they meet. I'm really unsure. Hence why I'm curious to hear more thoughts and experiences from all of you.

Do you think you feel one or the other more frequently when you meet new people? How do sexual and emotional attraction develop for you? Is it an all or nothing kind of thing? Does one tend to happen first for you? Do you see the spectrum as accurately representing the possibilities? Could there be any significant correlation to relationship styles and choices?

Last edited by ray; 11-13-2011 at 08:27 PM.
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