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Old 11-13-2011, 05:11 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Sorry, that was a little snarky of me -- of course you asked him. :/

So, before you were sleeping with people together causally, and it was enhancing your sex life. Now you're going on dates without him and it has the opposite effect, he feels like he needs space. Him feeling weird about it may not be an issue of control on his part, it may be that before it was about fun and now it's about feelings, before you were together and now you're separate. That's hard for many people. The question here is, is he asking for space because he needs it, or because he feels weird and resentful about things and has told himself this is what he needs rather than trying to sort out the underlying issues, or because he's trying to make you feel bad?

If he has a history of playing mind games it might be the latter, but I'm inclined to think it's one of the former. Poly affects people in ways they don't expect and don't always know how to express. And the hold on sex affects him as much as it does you... moreso, actually, since you have another partner and he doesn't (it's not your husband's fault the guy doesn't make you cum yet).

Tell him that this is making you sad and ask him if you and he can talk it out, see what the root of his feeling about it is, see if it's going to be a temporary thing or a permanent thing... then decide if it's worth it to you to keep working on poly or to let it go.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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