Originally Posted by Times2
It's always been the need to.invite another spouse into the marriage we already have. I suppose, just as a polygamist man would meet, court, then introduce the potential to the first and second wives for their approval...I won't make a direct example of any particular religion in a negative light, but you understand. The difference is, there is only me, no second, no religion, and we will meet her together, court, see if the love is there and then make the same comittments to her as we did to each other.
In Polygamy, from what I understand is common, its the man that calls the shots. Is this what you are suggesting?
"Inviting someone into you already established marriage;" that says to me that this woman would give up everything to be with you, including who she is as person. What of her friends, her career path, her family, kids, belongings? I haven't heard you mention any kind of thought that she would have a life too and that you would actually be entering HER life also. It all sounds one sided and ya, selfish. Polygamy outside of the religious context that we have seen on the media is not about a woman giving up her freedom/life and being handed over to a man who is to make her his wife (like the brides in the media), but a woman with a life and freedoms. Have you had any thought on that?
Its far more complicated than simply adding someone. I'm sure you know that, but I don't get the sense that you have thought of that too much. Have your read stories here about unicorns and the couples that seek them? I suggest you do as there maybe some learning from that.
It isn't uncommon to unicorn hunt (it is uncommon that couples become a triad the way that you are hoping to achieve your goal). What is WAY too common is what women and men go through when they are "added" to a couple with the naive assumption that they have rights and freedoms within that only to find that they don't and get really hurt and abused emotionally from abandonment, neglect, disposability when they are not achieving the goal of the couple etc. That isn't to say that you are these people, but its important for the readers here and maybe for you too to understand that there is potential for abuse in this scenario.... I hope you understand that.
For the record: Polyamory is an umbrella term that includes polygamy and polygny, it also includes many other things, but you are in the right place to talk about this.