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Old 11-12-2011, 02:37 AM
OhSnap OhSnap is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 6

Thanks Michelle. I also agree with RSM, we have some communication issues.

I just haven't seen that much discussion about your wife's sexual wants and needs...

Is it possible that she wants a poly relationship for herself?
She says that she has no interest in sex. Our counsellor believes that it is more psychological than physiological. Although, she has lost most of the sensitivity on both sides of her body, so the physiological issue is still there.

About 10 minutes after I read your message, I said "OhSnap's wife, are you doing all of this because you want a poly relationship for yourself?"

The answer was "no". Maybe her feelings and her words don't match, and if this is the case, than I'll just have to wait until she is ready to open up.

(i.e. some joint/muscle disorders can make cuddling painful, some nerve disorders can make gentle caresses feel like burns or scratches)
There are physiological factors involved. It doesn't hurt when I touch her. But she does suffer from occasional aches just from day-to-day activities. It can be a pretty amazing mood-killer when we are trying to get intimate.

I agree with LittleSara--my first thought was that your wife might be the one desiring a poly relationship. Maybe SHE has been harboring feelings for her friend? Maybe she's dreaming of a committed threesome relationship?

Regardless, the biggest benefit of polyamory that I can think of is that, if there were more than two people in a marriage, there would be more than one person sharing the burden of caring for the spouse who is ill.
Our friend actually visits us frequently enough that we may as well be in a threesome (that was a joke, I'm not good with jokes). She lives about 5 minutes away. Our children also make time to help. I agree with your POV anyway. If our friend moved in, things would be easier. My wife is largely independent however, and as I said before, she can be a bit stubborn.

Here's what I think. I think your wife is not able to be EMOTIONALLY intimate with you right now
That's largely the crux of the matter IMO. She's alone throughout most of the day. And I don't mean "alone" in the literal sense. While I'm at work, her mother, our daughter, and some of her housewife friends visit daily, and for hours at a time. I mean "alone" in the sense that she prefers her space. She likes to withdraw into her shell, so to speak.

So I guess that I'll just have to wait?
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