Well I am leaving for Florida in just a few hours. I do appologize, I can't read everyones post right now. I'm to raw.
I will say, the poly relationship isn't what caused Dragonfly to want to leave me. I did! I came here through pain to talk about what I felt this site was about... Poly relations. What I did not say was...
Me and DF have had a unstable marriage for quite some time. The reason being is because I refused to see that there was anything wrong with me. I wouldn't see that I was depressed and codependent. I just blamed it on everything else. My job, other people, even DF. It wasn't till Monday that with a huge talk with a 3rd party, that something long ago has broken me and I have not dealt with it or any of the other things. I just boxed it up and said I'm stronger then that, stay in the fucking box and don't come out. Well I didn't see the sludge was leaking out the bottom and I was standing in it and becoming poisioned.
I'm not using this as an excuse. I hurt DF. I've been hurting DF for a while now. And I don't deserve her or her love. I do love her. She has been that one bright shining star out of my entire life and I don't want to loose her. Well maybe after I go, seek some theripy, get help, and heal myself. Maybe she can find it in her to still love me. Maybe even still want me. But now I must go.
All I can do is hope and take 1 step at a time.
1st step: get some help!