Originally Posted by LittleSara
I brought up the subject while helping him fold his laundry. Explaining how I don't want to do anything that would hurt anybody. The arguments I faced and was pretty much unprepared for...
"Why can't you let me worry about that?"
"It won't hurt anybody if they don't find out."
"If we make each other happy we shouldn't stop seeing each other."
"You make me happy, don't I make you happy?"
Well, mull over those questions and see what the answers might be for you.
I was in a kinda similar situation. Oil Man recently asked me if I would do a threesome with him and an acquaintance of his - a married woman. Her husband would not be informed. I declined and not because of my moral awesomeness or my super poly ethics. I probably would have accepted with glee if she was in an open marriage or her husband approved or consented.
For me in that situation, it isn't actually about her, her marriage, and to a degree, it isn't about not contributing to someone's else pain. That situation would hurt me personally - I could not be authentic or have integrity. I would be less than what I want to be. And that is painful to me. Yes, she might have very good reasons not to be honest with him, or to step out on him. There are situations out there that are very gray. But I cannot put myself in that situation personally. So while the short term benefit would have been a fun night by all (and it would have been hot) the long term pain to me is not worth it.
Of course, I don't like that Oil Man has slept with her. I've told him why I am not interested in a threesome with her and he understands but he just wouldn't make the same decison. I think he's laying up some karma for himself that I wouldn't want heading towards me. (Karma as in we create our reality by our thoughts and actions - so sex with cheating married women likely means drama coming one's way sooner or later. Not the popular version of karma as do a bad thing, get hit by truck later on.) If we were more involved, then his actions would bother me more than they do. I'm a fuckbuddy, not his conscience. He's a grown man, responsible for himself. Is this ethically slippery? Well, yes. Some would say I should cut him loose and I can see that argument. He knows why I do what I do (or don't do). Maybe he'll think about it. Or not. But it's ultimately about my comfort in my own skin.
Ok, so I hope my ramblings were kinda helpful!