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Old 11-10-2011, 08:57 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

I would spend a lot of energy working on this not standing up for what you want.

My first marriage ended because we went to have our first poly experiences, my husband panicked and wanted us to stop (the day after I slept with somebody), and he didn't say anything. Instead he did a very stupid thing the next day that led to the end of our marriage. If he had just spoken up about being uncomfortable, the outcome may have been very different.

My current husband also has the "too agreeable" issue. Sometimes I have to really push if I think something is bothering him but he's saying things are OK. Sometimes I can't tell, because he is easygoing and agreeable about most everything. There have been problems when he hasn't felt OK about something, but he doesn't stop and examine it, so he doesn't say anything, and then we regret it.

A good tact to take is that you have to look out for you first. Practice this now - tell your wife everything you feel if something is making you even the slightest bit twingy. Tell her without the expectation that she will try to fix it, or change her behavior. If you can tell her "I don't feel comfortable with you doing X" and give her the option to say "OK, that's no problem it's not important to do X" or "I want to anyway, let's talk about this" or to negotiate something in between that works for both of you, that's going to go a long way to lead towards a successful future where there's no niggling resentments or surprise blow ups down the line.

Good luck!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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