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Old 11-10-2011, 02:20 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
That's great news!

I'm not the least bit surprised to hear that his definition of "successful marriage" is raising financially successful kids. I go to school with a lot of people from asian cultures, and a lot of the younger generation struggles with that. Their parents want them to be doctors and lawyers, but they want to be dancers and scientists. It's a huge bone of contention, and many of the parents never give their stamp of approval.

I can't even begin to imagine growing up like that. I was so blessed to have parents who loved me no matter what and never cared about what job I had, as long as I was happy. I think that's the greatest gift a parent can give their child: unconditional support and love. Part of why my mom was so adamant about it was that she wanted to be a forest ranger, but her guidance counsellor told her women have to be nurses or teachers. She didn't want to spend her life cleaning out bedpans, so she chose teacher. She hated every minute of it, and didn't want me to suffer the way she had.
Yay for your mom! My husband was raised being told in no uncertain terms that his parents were sacrificing everything so he could become a successful professional. Aced his way through college and grad school on full scholarships and has a high position in his field, earning way more money than we need, and yet, he still feels like he is letting his father down because he hasn't come up with a pioneering invention or world-changing discovery and won a Nobel Prize. And his father has been dead for years.

I try to counteract that by stressing how much I want our kids to grow up and be HAPPY, and not slaves to our expectations. But then, he grew up where poverty was everywhere, severe, and could not easily be climbed out of, so he still carries that fear.

Sometimes I'm astonished how similar we are, given our starkly different environments growing up, and other times I'm shocked to discover differences I hadn't expected. Like the way we feel and express love, apparently. It challenges us to think beyond what we think is "normal" and decide what is best for our own lives.

All in all, today has been a happier day than I've had in a while.
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