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Old 11-10-2011, 01:08 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Wow, cool that you have been with another couple all your marriage. I have been married for ten years too and poly longer than that. We have run the gamut on relationship configurations and have found over the years that our independence of each other is what has brought the most successful relationship dynamics. Seeing ourselves as a couple only freaked people out for the most part or they eventually fall in love with one of us, not both... We would usually start with great sex and they would change to love of one of us while we both would love them. When we started we started as a triad. I met my husband that way. He came into our relationship. My other marriage ended as a result. I was naive to think that it would work. It rarely works for the long haul... if I had known better at the time I would of suggested a vee, but we were stubborn and it blew apart.

Its hard to wrap ones head around independence (the opposite to co-dependence) when all we know and are raised with is coupledom, but I really suggest trying to figure it out. It has meant that we are now the strongest we have ever been and could live with or without each other without feeling like love is scarce. Love is abundant if we let go of owning one another and feeling like we will be alone in life.

There is a lot here to read on "unicorns" if you are interested. Its a hot topic and comes around often. There are also some really good writings on "foundations" and "lessons" in terms of poly... might help too. Check the tags in the search engine and you shall see what tags their are. Looking around and getting an idea on peoples stories might be helpful. Thank you for not starting a account where you both write... its so confusing and annoying for those of us reading. Appreciate that
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