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Old 11-09-2011, 04:16 PM
Times2 Times2 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Wild, wonderful West Virginia
Posts: 22
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Thank you both for your replies. I am sorry it all sounds a bit morbid but it is how we got here. And Magdlyn, we have discussed this and you are right the most another man could offer my husband is companionship and friendship should it be me that passes first. And, of course, they will have both lost a wife. If they choose to meet and marry someone new then that would be their decision to make. And if they choose to end the 'sharing' upon my death, that is also their decision to make. The purpose isn't to continue the marriage, that is why it isn't exactly a 'line marriage'. The purpose is make sure that the one left behind has someone to lean on, either through companionship or intimate relationship, whatever the case may be. I just want to make sure my husband has a friend, someone who know him and knows what he needs to get through his loss. If we meet another man, then he will know exactly what D is going through and hopefully will be able to extend a friendship unlike his other friends could because he will have known and hopefully loved me as intimately has D has. If we meet another woman, then he will have her to continue to live for and she will help him through this hard loss even if she never felt anything other than deep friendship for me.
The same would be said of for me if D should pass on first.

We have thoroughly discussed all of these issues. We have not made this decision based solely on the eventuality of one of us dieing but it is what started the conversation and at first my husband said things like 'it could work but you would always be the most important one in my life.' Our conversations have evolved from that to 'when we meet her or him, we will know because I will love that person enough to call her my wife or him my best friend."

There are many reasons we have decided to find another. We have talked about the financial aspect of it the benefits to both that person and ourselves. We are a mature, intelligent and open minded couple who have room for another and love enough to share and know what we want. We know that communication is key. I don't look at it unlike meeting another wife or husband. I have made vows to D and he to me. We take those vows seriously and to love, honor, and cherish is first and foremost. We both have the expectation to make those vows to the third as well, though it would be a vow of friendship to a male on D's part. D has a very good friend in the male of our sm/bf couple. But he is devoted to his wife, not to me. We jokingly refer to him as my boyfriend and she as my husband's girlfriend but they are devoted to one another, we are wonderful, loving friends but are secondary to their family unit and their marriage. We want a third within the confines of OUR marriage, devoted to us and us to him or her.

I am truly surprised that a poly community seems to be a bit baffled by this or almost seems to be questioning my intent. If you aren't, then I apologize for the assumption.

I am here to make new friends and learn new things and see if my husband and I can make that ever elusive love connection with another. I appreciate all the input and if nothing else, my thoughts and intentions are really getting explained and put out there for the most upfront and honest way possible I guess. This can only be a good thing.
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