Originally Posted by redpepper
Ahhh, I hope you got some sleep in the end. Both of you.
It seems that traditional values and mainstream mentality are all he is willing to accept. Its not a competition, where's the compassion? Have you told him you understand he feels betrayed that you have discovered you aren't monogamous but that this is where you are now and there is no turning back? Maybe starting compassionate talk will get you both a better foot hold on what to do next.
I have told him this, yes. He thinks it is a choice. He thinks all people feel transient moments of attraction, say, to a stranger at the bus stop or whatever, and the only difference between me and a "normal" person is that I have followed these impulses and allowed relationships to develop. So my "this is who I am now" he reads as "I'm going to keep making immoral choices."
I don't know how to break out of this competition mindset. Compassion has disappeared. I'm so desperate for his love and approval, I feel like I need to keep trying to prove that I'm a good person, and it comes out negative. He continues to play the martyr, the ill used husband doggedly working for his family in spite of his wife's immoral behavior. I'm starting to think we need to start all over: be roommates for now, and see if we can't woo each other back into love. I'm also half afraid he wouldn't want to try. As near as I can tell, he is married to me because he doesn't want a broken family.
I don't know how it got to be this bad. Once upon a time we were so close.