Originally Posted by nycindie
I just want to comment on this point before anything else. I have to tell you that this isn't completely unheard of in poly. I dated a married poly guy who had an agreement with his wife (she had another steady partner and he was dating here and there) that whatever time they spend with others they must double with each other. Personally, I couldn't see how that works, but it didn't affect me so I didn't ask anymore about it. I know that they were fairly new to poly (less than a year) and had met early on with another couple whom they view as mentors of sorts, so I have a feeling they got that idea from those people. This is just to say it's not a totally foreign concept.
While that may work for some, I told my husband this morning that I really don't want to set things up so that time I spend with him is a chore and time I spend with others is a reward. I'd rather he just let me know when he wants more time with me. As it is, I am home almost 24/7 and he rarely gives me the time of day.
So instead, I am keeping a detailed log for him of everything I am doing for the children and the household. He thinks it's a good idea. Maybe it is -I suspect he doesn't have a clue what I do, because he keeps telling me I need to be a better mother and do such and such, and everything he mentions is something I already do.
So in my husband's defense, I have to put out there that he is not a jealous man; before I was well he stayed home with the kids 3 nights a week so I could go dancing; he did not object to my attending a 3 day dance camp with one of these men (providing we did not "register as a couple")... he's not really a controlling person. But he is definitely stuck hard in his conviction that what's right is right, what's wrong is wrong, and I'm trying to force him into accepting something that is wrong.
So yeah, of course I feel more drawn to the men who accept me. I'm working hard at trying to accept myself. My self esteem is shot after 6 months of debilitating illness, but deep down I am happy to be someone who loves, and forms deep connections, and has a vigorous sex drive, and I don't feel like that is wrong. I also strongly believe that I am an amazing mom -two natural childbirths (no value judgments here -I'm just saying), 6 total years breastfeeding, I've managed to get a master's degree in education and created a growing successful business with several employees, all without our daughters ever spending a moment in day care. I had both our kids reading with enthusiasm at first or second grade level before they started kindergarten. I feed them organic gluten free vegetarian meals, volunteer in their classrooms, nurture their passions, and read to them every night. I don't think there's anyone who knows me who would argue that I am not an awesome mom -except my husband.
I don't want to end my marriage. I want to be appreciated and loved, first and foremost by my husband.