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Old 11-08-2011, 05:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Back to the OP, vanille, and her hubs Armani:

Just remember that it's not a race. The two of you do not need to both find additional partners to keep up with each other, be equal or fair, or anything like that. Generally women will have an easier time finding potential partners than men will. Consider this a blessing. Poly is new to you. Let's say vanille finds an OSO first. Instead of being anxious for Armani to find a woman, too, so you can both have one (sounds kids wanting toys, right?), let the change to your relationship sink in.

It will be a new dynamic of three, no longer two. There will likely be NRE to handle, as well as time management issues. See what you need to do to feel safe about vanille dating men from the internet. Take each small step slowly. Don't be in such a hurry. It could be several months before a woman open to poly messages Armani.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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