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Old 11-08-2011, 01:22 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,281

Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post

There has been no meeting in the middle. There is only his way (the right/normal/decent way) and my way (the selfish/immoral/homewrecking way) and my freedom to make the choice between them. He has never been willing to look beyond that point of view.
And you seem to have internalized his view of you. You are the selfish immoral one and he is the saintly matryr, eating his kids' leftovers. Bleh.

You're NOT sick! You're beautiful, lusty, wholesome and human! Just because you're different than him doesn't automatically make him good and you bad.

Gah, your situation is triggering for me because I spent over 30 years with a guy who got jealous if I so much as looked at another man, or wanted to go see a new movie because one of my favorite actors was in it, or engaged in more than a 5 minute conversation with another man. Plus, I am bi, and he was always confused, threatened, and a bit disgusted by that as well.

I'm trying to decide between marriage counselors I found on a poly-friendly list. I don't think he's ever heard it from anyone but me that it's possible for married people to love others besides their spouses.
Your husband really isn't meeting your needs, your deepest needs for intimacy. Sure, he's a good provider, a good dad in some ways (except for the messages he gives to the boys about "propriety" as I mentioned above, as well as this martyrdom bs), but what about YOU? Don't YOU matter? Be your own primary, live the life that is calling to you.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
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