The biggest red flag I see here is your h's feeling that it's more important what others think of you two than what he and you think of you two. I see this in conservative Christian circles where giving the impression you are a good Christian is as important as how you practice your faith for yourself. Too often it devolves into the appearance to others being MORE important than the reality in oneself or one's relationship to God.
Is this a message you want to present and inculcate in your children??? This "propriety" masking unhappiness and shame and lack of real connection?
You're dying inside from lack of affection and desire from your husband. Of COURSE you're attracted to your two other lovers, since they desire the real you, don't find you immoral or sick, accept you fully.
You married and made certain promises, but you've changed, or discovered and unearthed more about your authentic self as you matured. So, your choice is, do you give in to your h and stagnate and live a life of quiet desperation and unhappiness, or take the leap and live the life your true self wants and needs? Your h wants an old-fashioned wife, the "little woman," figuratively barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Making no demands, feeling her h has the final say.
fuck that shit
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37