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Old 11-08-2011, 12:00 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,555

Originally Posted by MorningTwilight View Post
She did not like that the counselor specialized in gay and alternative relationships.
Oh for goodness sake. She's stonewalling you. In poly, we do say, go at the pace of the slowest member, the one who is struggling the most. However, NO progress, not even one baby step, is different.

And yes, you're being "chickenshit." Passive might be a better word.

In a similar story (which I've shared on another thread), this guy I chat with told me his wife found out he was a cross-dresser. She refused to go into therapy with him to come to terms with his gender identity (which came as a shock to her, as he'd denied it in himself, and tried to hide it from her for their 12 year marriage). So, they spent an entire year as roommates, more or less, no touching of any kind, no "I love yous," no kisses. Slept in the same bed to not give the kids any idea something was wrong.

Finally after a year of that, extreme touch hunger, loneliness, and horniness drove my friend to distraction. He joined ok cupid just to meet people who might be able to relate to his struggle, messaged me as I seemed to be a likely person to help him. He hit on me a bit, but when I told him I wasn't interested, and instead encouraged him to approach his wife again for counseling, he agreed, asked her, and by that point she was ready. He had been in individual therapy for that whole year and come to more acceptance of his gender ID himself, coming more from a place of strength than shame and guilt.

I'd recommend you continue to see this poly friendly counselor yourself until your wife is ready to join you.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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