Well, at 2am we've decided to stop talking for the night. We've gone around and around and around. We seem to keep coming back to the same things: I have a need for more love, and deeper relationships, than I am getting. He feels like he gives me way more than most people get, and I should be satisfied. By more, he means hard work and commitment, not affection and passion.
Now he doesn't even want to try counseling. He read this thread and was aghast that I had shared so much private information publicly. (Everyone has figured out which married couple in which city in which country in the world we are by now, right?) He still sees polyamory as immoral, abnormal, and a choice. (I'm feeling for gay people tonight.) He thinks I am going to cause our marriage to end, because of my inevitable decision to have sex with other men. I pointed out that if I did have sex with someone else, it would be his choice to end the marriage over it or not. I would want to stay married.
Now we seem stuck in a competitive mindset, and it keeps coming back to who is suffering more, and who is getting their way, and who is compromising. In his view, he has done all the compromising and sacrificing, and I have gotten my way and will continue to get my way. He is absolutely unwilling to believe that I have yielded to his feelings at all. Giving in to the "impulse" of loving others has been a heartless choice I made with complete disregard for his feelings, and a sane person would not find herself in this situation.
I know we have both suffered. It hurts him that I am not conforming to his view of a wife. He thought I was monogamous when we married -and so did I. So he feels betrayed, and I understand. This is why I am not sexually involved with anyone else. I'm trying to look out for his feelings. But oh man, I'm tired of the implication that my own feelings are selfish and immoral! It's love
we're talking about!
Now he's talking about some sort of credit system where I have to log a certain number of hours of leisure time with him in order to "earn" time with the other men. Something tells me that's not going to feel so good. "Honey, will you come spend two more hours watching a movie with me so I can finish earning my time with L before the weekend? Or wait, if we make it a double feature I can stay through dinner." Ha.
This all just sucks.