It's sorely tempting, but he never really offered up DADT as a proposed solution. It was said more in exasperation, like "Fine, be that way!" and pretty much taken back when he calmed down. He tends to be a bit of a martyr at times -for example, fixing a meal for the kids and only eating the leftovers from their plates. If I went ahead with this, I think he would always have that over me -that I betrayed him for my own selfish desires, and he tolerated it out of his amazing sense of loyalty and commitment.
There has been no meeting in the middle. There is only his way (the right/normal/decent way) and my way (the selfish/immoral/homewrecking way) and my freedom to make the choice between them. He has never been willing to look beyond that point of view.
I'm trying to decide between marriage counselors I found on a poly-friendly list. I don't think he's ever heard it from anyone but me that it's possible for married people to love others besides their spouses.