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Old 11-07-2011, 07:59 PM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
This is disturbing. I have issues with people stop counseling after 6 visits when the marriage is struggling, as that's not enough time to even touch on all the issues, much less figure out how to fix anything. Did she not like the counselor or just not want to deal with anything?
She did not like that the counselor specialized in gay and alternative relationships.

She was also of the opinion that we could fix things ourselves. When we got home that night, she seemed to think that everything was mostly fixed already, but I feel very much like she misled me: her words, to me, said that we would work things out, when what she actually intended was status quo.

Originally Posted by SNeacail
If she will go back, get a commitment from her that you guys will go weekly for a couple months at least.

I see the refusal to continue with counseling (especially after only one session) as a big red flag for your marriage in general. Part of this is coming from my own personal experience, every time I have seen a couple where one party refuses to go/continue with marriage counceling, the marriage has ended within a few years. However, the partner who fought so hard against therapy almost always says, if they had only gone earlier they might have been able to save the marriage, but now it's too late as the partner who wanted to go in the first place is no longer willing to fight for the marriage.
I don't doubt you.

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I'm sorry there has not been much movement, MT. I was hoping that there had been. Have the two of you been able to discuss this in a way that does not involve ultimatums?
We haven't discussed it at all since early July. Upthread, I mentioned that she was going out-of-state for a few weeks later that month, and I didn't want her to imagine that I would be out doing whatever with whomever, so I didn't bring it up, intending to reopen discussion when she got back mid-August. She seemed so happy when she got back that I couldn't bear to wreck that.

The rest is me being chickenshit. I see the stakes as being so very high that I'm stuck. (This may sound weird) I feel ambivalent about the fact that I feel like I could get by without her, but the thought of not being a regular part of my son's life (visitation isn't the same) is a lot to bear.

On the upside, she just finished (and really enjoyed) Stieg Larsson's Millennium trilogy, in which poly features rather prominently, so I want to ask her what she thought about that as soon as I finish the third book (in about two days, I think).
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