Originally Posted by ray
I dislike your premise because I find it to be illogical and I think implications in wording are important. I bet a lot of people on here don't consider themselves promiscuous just because they're poly. In the same way, a lot of monogamous folk aren't overly jealous people just because they're mono. I don't think poly or monogamy is pathological but the way you frame it makes it sounds like you think monogamy is less than or inferior to poly. Monogamy is not emotionally stunting. Some people may feel confined in it and maybe that's been your experience but who are you to speak for all humanity? Not everyone feels the need to have more romantic relationships. Some people are very happy with having one romantic relationship at a time. All relationships provide opportunities for growth both friendships and romantic ones. Do you think monogamy is inferior? Or am I reading into this? I think that both are VALID approaches and I find it odd that anyone would argue otherwise. It's like saying that's it's better to be gay or right handed.
ray, I'm not arguing that some number of monogamous people aren't overly jealous. I also don't think monogamy is an invalid choice. I DO think that attitudes based on things such as jealousy, insecurity and fear ARE inferior to attitudes based on those things not existing--by definition, because jealousy, insecurity and fear are largely unhealthy.
As to a lot of monogamous people not being overly jealous--if you picked 100 people randomly off the street and asked them, "If your significant other had strong romantic feelings for another person, how would you feel?", the overwhelming majority of responses would be something between "hurt" and "devastated". Do you disagree with this? If so, on what basis? If you do agree that would likely be the case, on what would the hurt/devastation be based if not jealousy, insecurity, etc?
If I was saying poly is superior to mono, then the gay/right hand scenario would come into play. That's not what I'm saying. I am saying I think the drivers generally behind mono are in many ways less healthy than the drivers generally behind poly. To put it in terms of your argument, I'm not saying that being right-handed is superior to being left handed, I'm saying being right-handed is superior to using your left hand because you have an arbitrary, fear-based aversion to using your right hand (that analogy probably breaks down faster than I'd like, but hopefully you get the idea).