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Old 11-07-2011, 02:30 AM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
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Liking or disliking a premise has nothing to do with whether it's logically sound, nor does a premise's implications (pathology in this case). Were it not for the fact that mono is almost exclusively reserved for a specific type of relationship (intimate), I wouldn't see it as something on the pathological end of the spectrum (though I wouldn't personally call it actually pathological). In almost every other type of personal relationship, it would be seen as ridiculous and arbitrary to limit them to a single person: friendship, children, etc. In the context of how humans relate to one another, the mono limit on intimate relationships is rather arbitrary, and it IS emotionally stunting, as it would be to arbitrarily limit friendships or children for other than practical reasons (limited time and resources). Largely, the driving factor behind limiting intimate relationships isn't a practical one, but rather an emotional one.

And certainly, it could be argued that polyamory is due to something on the pathological end of the spectrum, and it sometimes is. But in general it takes a lot of self-examination and moving beyond unhealthy things (if they are there) in order to come to a point where true polyamory is a viable option. And I would argue self-examination and moving beyond unhealty things ARE preferrable, not just for me but for most human beings. Of course, many monogamous people do self-examine and move past unhealthy things. But I don't think most do in the area that relates to why they are monogamous.

As promiscuity is hard-wired into our evolutionary nature, I would say the tendency to fight against it would be seen as more toward pathological, and the thoughtful, responsible embracing of it would be less so. Unfaithfulness doesn't really play into the idea of poly as much, because faithfulness is only invoked when an expectation of exclusivity is part of the equation--poly, by definition doesn't have an expectation of exclusivity, so having more than one intimate interest doesn't invoke unfaithfulness.

I dislike your premise because I find it to be illogical and I think implications in wording are important. I bet a lot of people on here don't consider themselves promiscuous just because they're poly. In the same way, a lot of monogamous folk aren't overly jealous people just because they're mono. I don't think poly or monogamy is pathological but the way you frame it makes it sounds like you think monogamy is less than or inferior to poly. Monogamy is not emotionally stunting. Some people may feel confined in it and maybe that's been your experience but who are you to speak for all humanity? Not everyone feels the need to have more romantic relationships. Some people are very happy with having one romantic relationship at a time. All relationships provide opportunities for growth both friendships and romantic ones. Do you think monogamy is inferior? Or am I reading into this? I think that both are VALID approaches and I find it odd that anyone would argue otherwise. It's like saying that's it's better to be gay or right handed.
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