It sounds like you see sex as an intimate connection that deeply bonds you to another rather than sex being a physical act that relieves you and is fun to participate in. Is your wife okay with you establishing a love relationship that includes sex with this woman? Or is her expectation that you only have sex an not get any closer than the friendship you already have? What does the woman expect and how does she view sex? Is she aware that it could be the beginning of a loving partnership?
I wonder if your wife is struggling with her body and has given up on thoughts of closeness. If you are content to cuddle and kiss her and masturbate then whats the issue here? Is it her issues around that? Is there anything that she can participate in or that she wants sexually? Or is there no connection to her body...? Its hard to grasp what is going on for her in this.
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