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Old 11-06-2011, 04:55 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

UnwittinglyPoly obviously has a bias against monogamy and feels that any monogamous relationship is fear-based and unhealthy. Gah!

Look, any relationship is as healthy as the people in it. Neither polyamory nor monogamy is superior to the other - it's all about the people involved and how well they can relate to, nurture, support, and care about each other within whatever boundaries or structure for their relationships they so choose.

About jealousy... I have always been monogamous until last year. I never considered myself very jealous. Sure, I experience it from time to time, but it'd never been an all-consuming thing for me, nor ever a big factor in any of my relationships. Jealousy is not a requirement or specific trait of monogamous relationships. Why have I always considered myself less jealous than most people I knew or came into contact with? Because I am loyal andjust... trust them. So the possibility of being jealous never came up much, even in my turbulent 20s, because whenever I commit to someone, I just figure they are as loyal to me as I am to them. I don't usually doubt the people I am deeply involved with. Before that commitment, I will have my doubts but I very much see my relationships as partnerships. So now that I have embraced polyamory, whatever I commit to, I still have this faith in the people I commit to. When jealousy does arise for me I know it's usually based on insecurities I have about me, and not usually about the actions of someone I'm devoted to.

How I operate in relationships has nothing to do with whether my relationships are poly or mono, and everything to do with who I am. I am still me in all my relationships.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 11-07-2011 at 04:54 AM.
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