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Old 11-05-2011, 06:01 AM
OhSnap OhSnap is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 6
Default Wife thinks that opening up the marriage will help. I disagree.

In 2008 my wife suffered from a stroke. This has caused the left half of her body to become completely paralysed. It's been a very rough couple of years and we've gone through many changes, but we have managed to find some semblance of normalcy.

For the first 2 years, the lack of sex was never really an issue. I've had so much to do that it was one of the last things on my mind. It's just that I've started missing it since the beginning of this year.

I've discussed this with my wife and she believes that setting up an arrangement with one of our closest friends is the solution. She thinks that this is the safest option since her friend and I are trustworthy and STD-free, and she's known us both for most of her life. Her friend is a little bit nervous but is okay with the idea as long as my wife and I approve.

Here's why I don't believe that this will help, and why I have decided not to go through with the arrangement...

I don't miss the physical aspect of sex. Physical gratification has never been important to me, and is something that I can easily live without.

I miss the emotional aspect of sex. I'm a very physical person, meaning that I like to show and share affection and care through kisses, hugs, holding hands, cuddling in bed etc. For me, sex is a very good way to emotionally bond.

This is something that I've been finding difficult to articulate verbally to my wife, and I don't have anybody to talk to about this in my life (other than a counsellor, who hasn't been very helpful). I don't really have any unmet needs per se. I don't feel emotionally lonely and I don't believe that another relationship will make me any happier. I don't miss sex, in itself (if that makes sense) but I do miss having sex with my wife. That is why I have been apprehensive to starting a relationship with our friend.

I can understand why my wife has built a bit of a wall around herself, and has become physically closed off. It isn't my intention to pressure her into doing something that she doesn't want to do.

If you do believe that opening the relationship will help, I'd like to know why because I genuinely don't understand. What I think would help, is alternatives to sex, but my wife disagrees. Any other perspectives would be appreciated.

My wife will also be reading this, so if anyone has any direct advice for her, that would be great.
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