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Old 11-05-2011, 04:49 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I just re-read your thread and would like to comment on a few things:

1.) No, it's not "normal," in the sense that it's expected, for a couple to always be fighting after moving in together. I see no reason to ignore this very large red flag. You are fighting for a reason, not simply because of your living situation.
What she said. My wife and I did not have frequent fights when we first moved in together. Most of the (few and infrequent) fights we have had, as I look back on our relationship, have been out of frustration over not being able to communicate and understand each other clearly.

Originally Posted by nycindie
2.) [...on having kids...] One should want to devote their lives to unconditionally loving this new human being and nurturing his or her emotional, psychological, and physical health (no easy feat) while also teaching them the responsibilities of being a good citizen in whose hands the future of society will rest. It should be about really wanting to be a parent. And when you were ready to accept all those huge responsibilities, if it's really about giving your love to a child, you can love any child, including one you adopted. It should NEVER be about cementing a relationship or having a baby before your belly is no longer able to bounce back into shape.
Agreed ten thousand percent. Once you have a child, your life as you knew it is OVER, and you grow up in a big, big hurry. That child becomes the most important thing, bar none. This doesn't mean that you need to be a helicopter parent or to spoil the child, but it DOES mean that the child's needs (not wants, needs) come before your own desires, and in many cases, ahead of your own needs. Once you accept the responsibility for another person's life, it is total and complete, until that person can care for himself or herself independently. Even then, you will always be a parent, and that other person will always be your baby.

You're never really certain if you're ready for that kind of responsibility. The time comes when you know if you're willing to try, and for you, it doesn't sound like that time has come yet. Don't rush it--it does not sound like you're ready to (try to) spend the rest of your life with this woman as it is, let alone dive into raising children with her. The "tick-tock of the clock" is her issue; don't let her pressure you into doing something you otherwise might not do (yet).

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