If Anne hadn't backed off when HMA and I were going through a rough spot, and HMA had just tried to assure me that he didn't fall out of love with me, and leaned on Anne for support without respecting what I was going through – HMA would have found himself single. Or, rather, with only one girlfriend. I think it can go both ways. Someone like you, and possibly DF, couldn't see how pulling away from one love to work on another would work. Having HMA lean on someone else he LOVED while “dealing with my drama” would set off a cycle of insecurity I just flat wouldn't be able to deal with. The root issues that would bring up of fear and pain would be far too much for me to bear. I guess it's a fundamental difference between “people like you” and “people like me”. I would be devestated – but I'd have to leave.
I hear what you say.And I understand, because Maca did go off the deep end and he did leave. Got an apartment the works.
BUT that doesn't change the reality-those insecurities are HIS issues-not mine and HE is fully responsible for them, not me. I can love him, I can support him. But when you are stuck in an insecurity-you can not offer anyone else support, which means when he's caught up in his drama-he's NOT MY PARTNER. He's my JOB..
If I have to take care of him-I have to be able to rejuvenate SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW. And he can't do it-because he's not even able to take care of himself-thus why those emotions are in control.
SO-the only RIGHT thing to do is to understand that when WE as people are not ok and can't offer our full, loving selves to another-particularly someone who we share a joint responsibility to care for one another with (like husband and wife do) then we MUST accept that they MUST continue to be cared for while supporting us through our "valley of the shadow of death" so to speak.
"Love As Thou Wilt"