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Old 11-03-2009, 01:36 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: scotland
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Well-I guess the question is WHY do you think you can't handle it?

What about him being intimate with someone he has already established a relationship with at some point scares you?


it wasn't an already established relationship, it was an affair she had a partner and he didn't know...
when i met him he was still in love with her, and he still is but there relationship has ended or at least the physical part has.

Does it make you feel unworthy?

I know that in general i don't feel worthy a lot of the time, this is not because of any other woman this is just my own issue of low self confidence. I know the other girl, and in my opinion she is prettier, nicer, more ingeligant etc but that is not a healthy way to think i shouldn't be comparing myself to her and infact if it where montianboy who was with the same girl i would have no problem at all because i am secure with him and i trust that he is not comparing me or wouldn't rather be with someone else.

Does it make you feel like you aren't good enough?
I don't feel good enough, for ethier of them a lot of the time, again this is my issue nothing they have done.

Are you afraid of losing his time?
yes i am afraid that it would cut into the time he can spend with me because at the moment we have a nice balance and i don't want that to change.

Are you afraid of being replaced by her?
even though he has given no indication that he would rather be with her i am afraid that he might love her more, maybe because he can't have her and that makes it more intense.

What's your hang up??

worse case senario he stays with her overnight, they sleep together or do something intimate and they re-start whatever it was they had before and he is totally and utterly madly in love with her again and i get forgotten about.

But to me-no person has a right to demand anything of another beyond "if you can't respect me as a person please stay away from me" and that they not be touched if they don't wish to be.

I agree and i do not wish to demand that he does not do anything with this girl, i don't want to pin him down and i don't want to restrict him and i am well aware that these are my issues that are not related to how he is acting. However, that being said i would rather that he allows our relationship to develop longer, and be more secure before he does ethier re-start something with this girl or finds another. I am also very uncomfortable with the idea of her having a partner who knows nothing about this, and then i have this horrible secret to keep.
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you can do it my way-or go live with someone else. But I won't hold it against you EITHER WAY. I won't demand you do things my way-I just won't subject myself to you if you need to do things a way I can't handle.

I don't think this is a bad way to be, but with this im not sure how i feel and so i want to work that out before i decide what i will do if he does decide to do something with this girl or another before i feel we are ready to cope with that. At this stage he hasn't even said he wants too this is all hypothetical. I would like to have some idea how i am going to deal with it should it happen because i don't want to end things with him.

Jools
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