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Old 11-03-2009, 01:21 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Location: Alaska
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Well-I guess the question is WHY do you think you can't handle it?

What about him being intimate with someone he has already established a relationship with at some point scares you?

Does it make you feel unworthy?
Does it make you feel like you aren't good enough?
Are you afraid of losing his time?
Are you afraid of being replaced by her?

What's your hang up??

See, I don't have any hangups like that. I know if I looked at GG and said "I need my mornings" he would say "ok." and that's that. So I don't say it, because I don't NEED them, I need to know he cares enough he WOULD do that for me.

If I look at Maca and say "I need to know you will come home if I need you" I KNOW he would say "ok" and that's that. So I would never call him (barring an emergency with the kids) to come home-because I don't need him to COME HOME. I need to know he WOULD if I NEEDED him.

Obviously YOU have to identify what works for you in a relationship-and everyone is different. God knows Maca and I are totally different and so are GG and I AND they are totally different from one another.

But to me-no person has a right to demand anything of another beyond "if you can't respect me as a person please stay away from me" and that they not be touched if they don't wish to be. It's just how I feel. I believe that within the dynamic of a relationship of ANY kind-we have to find the COMMON denominators and work as a team to meet needs, not prioritize our own needs over anothers.

Now-that said-there are things I don't CHOOSE to put up with (like whining kids). YOU (general) can raise whiny kids-but I won't CHOOSE to babysit them, hang out with them for any reason. BUT I wouldn't demand you change your way of raising them, I just choose not to participate. EVEN if you were my best friend-and now you have kids and choose to raise them that way-I will choose to step away. But I won't demand or even request that you change how you raise your kids-not my place.

One thing I've done in my life is that it's a "RULE" that my rules go with raising the kids. With Maca and I it's pretty simple, he doesn't have to agree, he can do anything he wants-but I won't be around him if he does.

This covers ALL relationships in my life. Even my kids-you can do it my way-or go live with someone else. But I won't hold it against you EITHER WAY. I won't demand you do things my way-I just won't subject myself to you if you need to do things a way I can't handle.

In some ways I guess my way is more selfish-because it leaves no room for someone to compromise their needs to keep me. If I see that this is the life you choose-I presume it's because you need it to be that way-and I simply respond by making sure my needs are met-even if that means not being with you................
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