Originally Posted by dingedheart
Good news is you past the test or didn't get caught in the trap unfortunately the bad news is she just destroyed the last bit of trust you had. I'm with Atumnaltone on this.... her mess let her figure it out and fix it. I'd start protecting yourself and the kids.
I don't know how you get trust back at this point... maybe if this turned out to be some kind of temporary insanity? But her actions right now are so uncaring and manipulative. Marriage counseling (or just counseling for her) is the only way I can see to possibly make this right. But she's shown she's not committed to you, at least not at present, so in the end the choice of whether or not to stay together may have nothing to do with you.
With that in mind, and the fact that this crazy woman could try to keep you away from your kids... I can't believe I'm suggesting playing on prejudices I think should be abolished, but... start a secret file on her swinging and bdsm activities. If trust is somehow regained, you can delete it. If not, you can use it against her if she tries to block you from the kids.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.