Ok. First to answer some of LR's questions.
1: Why are you and he "waiting to hear DF's decision"?
She stated she no longer knows how she feels. She says she knows she loves me, but doesn't know if she can still be with me. She says she doesn't know if she does still or ever was in love with DB. She says she needs to decide what she needs to do for her. And I understand that and respect that!
2: Did one of you give her an ultimatum?
I did last night after she got home from talking to DB. The reason I did was because I feel I can no longer trust him in this relationship. He promissed me that if mine and DF's relationship looked like it was going to blow up that he would AT LEAST back away so DF and I can make our relationship healthy again. Instead, last night when she told him that she didn't know what she was going to do, with me, he didn't say what he promised he would say. I have felt for a while that he is just waiting for DF and I's relationship to explode so he can come along and pick up the pieces and be with her just himself. So with the fact that he did not keep his promise I feel that if he was to stay in the relationship (If there still is one) that he will try to undermine it and sabatoge it. So when she told me that he wasn't going to back off or away, I felt betrayed and told her I can not be in this relationship if he is apart of it.
3: If so-who?
4: How is the fact that he's doing the same thing as you are making him untrustable?
Because he gave me his word that he would at least back off to let me and DF "fix" our relationship. How can our "V" be healthy if he can't back off for the "core relationship" can be healthy?
You are quite possibly right! I probably am being a drama queen. I think HMA and Violet would laugh at that since they know what I look like. lol
I do understand that all 3 of us are/were in this. I understand that people make mistakes. But this is the second time he has not backed away when me and DF have had troubles. The first time, so I'm told, is he went to a friend of all of ours and asked if he should walk away. I honestly don't know if I believe that. Because he wasn't the one that said it, the friend did, and when the friend did, DB's body language was very surprised at first and quickly went to the "oh yeah, that's right, yeah".
I know she loves me. There was times she didn't and she has omitted that. I know that just because she loves him it doesn't mean that she doesn't love me. But I'm afraid that because she does love him that she will naturally fall out of love with me. And which I know could happen regardless if he was in this or not. But he hasn't kept his word to let me and DF make our relationship healthy again.
Yes I do have a problem with her being "IN" love with him or anyone for that matter. I know she can't "control" her emotions. Which is why I asked for help. Which is why I need to know how to come to terms and deal with her being "IN" love with someone else. For a lack of a better term, HOW DO I FIX ME! Apparently "fix" is a negative term, but I can't think of a better one right now.
Legion... Yeah I heard it. LOL
I don't believe that if she really loved me she wouldn't want to have a relationship sexual or romantic with someone else. I feel that if I was a good husband then she wouldn't need that relationship to make her complete and completely happy.
I hope this shines some light on how I'm feeling and thinking right now.
She just got back so I'm gonna get off here.
Thank you all again for your help and support!!!!!!!!