Originally Posted by ladyjools
i am wondering waht the end point for you is on this question?
First let me say my statement was "questions" not the same question you are struggling with (in case you were confused).
As for your question-it's a non-issue in my life. I have been friends with GreenGecko for 16+years and Maca and I have been together for 11 years. So there is no "establishing a new relationship" between us.
However-I do expect that Maca will eventually find a girlfriend (may have already met her) at that time yes-I would say it's reasonable to take time to build a relationship and get it "settled" into a comfortable zone before looking for someone new. BUT I wouldn't have to "make a rule" about it.
Maca and I DO have that comfortable space in our relationship so we don't need to "wait" before he can add someone-because I AM comfortable with him.
I don't need to ask GreenGecko either-because again-our relationship IS established.
Now-on Maca's part-he is not ready to face me having ANOTHER person besides GreenGecko right now-the IDEA of accepting me having another person as a lover IS new to HIM so he needs time to settle into that dynamic-but it's moot, because I don't need or want anyone else. Unlike some poeple who fall into situations where they suddenly meet someone unexpectedly and that someone is a new THAT someone, I don't have that.
My life is SO busy and SO involved, that I rarely meet new people unless I make a POINT to. So there isn't a big chance of anyone "accidently" falling into my life.
I did meet a nice woman online. It was somewhat unexpected, but I'm not looking-so the first thing I said to her was that I'm not looking for ANYTHING more than friends.
Once we started talking and getting to know each other and she found out the dynamic of my relationship situation she was interested in talking to Maca. The two of them started talking and they seemed to have hit it off. She's not in the same town as us until spring-but she's close enough to visit (2-3 hour drive).
So yes once in awhile the situation comes up, but I'm not opening the door myself-so Maca need not ask me to make "rules" about it.
In terms of your situation... hmmm.... Mountainboy is your "first" yes? So the other is your second? (I hate labels-but in order to compare I use them for clarification).
So that would be like GreenGecko for me....
Ok-so even though we have a well established relationship-we are new to being officially boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess if he was planning to get a girlfriend I would want to discuss some details because we are really at a stage where we treasure every moment we GET to have and his time is VERY limited... so if he got a girlfriend it would really cut into our time..
But I don't think I would honestly say no....
No-I wouldn't. I wouldn't tell him or Maca no. I would probably have some questions and need some reassurances-but I trust them both and I feel confident in MY relationship with each of them and I feel confident in THEIR willingness and interest in ensuring my needs are met......... so I don't FEAR it and I don't feel JEALOUS or angry or any of those things.
This post is so damn long and I fear I didn't get you an answer..... I think that maybe I just complicated things with more confusion.
Please feel free to express more questions-maybe it will help me to think more clearly?????