ah, NightDragon. I am sorry to hear you are so distraught. First I would like to say, though I don't know if you will be able to hear it from where you are:
This too, shall pass.
In times of adversity and pain we forget that life is essentially good. If nothing else, remember to be grateful for what you have, be it Dragonfly, limbs/lungs/lymphatic systems that work, &c. Everything has a way of working out in the end.
Originally Posted by NightDragon
...I have recently discovered that I am controlling and have major depression issues...made me codependent.
...How did I fail? Did I fail as a husband that cause a void in her heart that DB was able to fill? Did I fail as a human being?
You have not failed anything. From a Kathy Labriola (Full Article: "Managing Jealousy in Open Relationships"
1. If my partner really loved me, (s)he wouldnít have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.
2. If my partner were happy with me, and if I were a good partner/spouse/lover/etc., my partner would be so satisfied that (s)he wouldnít want to get involved with anyone else.
It sounds like you are throwing one or both of these core beliefs into your doubting.
I think LR has some great advice. Give it some time, cool off, get your head on.
Perception = Reality. Own it! Don't let your happiness get in the way of your happiness... by that I mean think of a child at a birthday party. It's a party, right? But what ends up eventually happening? Tears, arguments, frustrations. But it's certainly not for a lack of cake! Love = Cake Unlimited, we just have to manage it right, look at it right, appreciate it.