I think what you're saying is that you think you could prevent a divorce, and thus preserve access to your kids, by allowing her to emotionally manipulate you and blame you for everything?
I hope that she's not as cruel and unreasonable a partner and person as all that, but you know her better than me obviously...
I have just one good piece of advice right now. Take a walk, take a nap, eat a nourishing meal. Let this all go for a half hour at least. You'll be able to think clearer if you clear your head.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.