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Old 11-02-2011, 06:48 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I just re-read your thread and would like to comment on a few things:

1.) No, it's not "normal," in the sense that it's expected, for a couple to always be fighting after moving in together. I see no reason to ignore this very large red flag. You are fighting for a reason, not simply because of your living situation.

2.) The notion of a biological clock is, to me, bullshit and offensive, in addition to the fact that it's a lousy reason to have a kid. Why bring a new life into this world just because you feel like the window of opportunity is closing? Women can give birth well into their 40s, but really the reasons to have children shouldn't be so shallow. One should want to devote their lives to unconditionally loving this new human being and nurturing his or her emotional, psychological, and physical health (no easy feat) while also teaching them the responsibilities of being a good citizen in whose hands the future of society will rest. It should be about really wanting to be a parent. And when you were ready to accept all those huge responsibilities, if it's really about giving your love to a child, you can love any child, including one you adopted. It should NEVER be about cementing a relationship or having a baby before your belly is no longer able to bounce back into shape.

3.) Why have you patently ignored everyone who said that you have to strengthen this relationship and make sure it's healthy before embarking on polyamory? Another huge red flag. I think you're setting yourself up for a lot of drama and disaster if you start boinking other women under the banner of polyamory without having a firm, solid, loving, and satisfying foundation with your girlfriend. Read all the threads about jealousy for some eye-openers. I think it might even be smart to move out for a while before you make any commitments to her or anyone else.

Okay, that's my two cents for now. I don't mean to be snarky but just calling it as I see it in the spirit of helpfulness.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 11-02-2011 at 06:56 PM.
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