View Single Post
  #17  
Old 11-02-2011, 03:12 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,047
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by leannahope View Post
I sometimes feel guilty about breaking the rules of our original agreement by developing feelings for my boyfriend, but I never hid my feelings from my husband, and I kept him filled in on our relationship. I think that is why he insists that he isn't angry/resentful of the situation...because I was so honest with him from the start.

I've been struggling with this issue. Since I broke our agreement, (even though I didn't plan on it or mean to) am I a cheater?
What?! No, of course not. We can't be expected to turn our feelings on and off like a light switch. It just doesn't happen that way. You fell in love. You were honest, never kept anything hidden from the hubs, and realized that the "rules" were too restrictive and had to be renegotiated. That isn't cheating. Cheating is running around in secret, hiding what's going on, breaking rules on purpose.

No, hun, don't be so hard on yourself. You're human and you were honest and upfront about your feelings!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 11-02-2011 at 03:22 PM.
Reply With Quote