I'm fascinated as to how you saw this as a sexist comment. Maybe you too close or something but remove gender...these two people(X,Y) get together and after a yr or so partner X has a dramatic change in sex drive (up swing ) and they decide to open they're relationship. Not long after that partner X finds an additional partner will call (Z) ...during the next block of time Y is struggling with the usual issues with this type of dynamic and perhaps some specific personal issues. After 6 months or so X,Y decide to marry (last Nov) Z was the best man. The Vee moves forward but X and Y are still having intimacy problems and sex has dropped off or stopped .
Feb XY go on their honeymoon and because the relaxed atmosphere, or the bottle of wine, the sound of the ocean or the expectations of what goes on during honeymoons ....they have sex. They come home and go back to their usual routine....sex and intimacy still a problem...in fact it's shut down. A short time later Z moves into X and Y's home which is very exciting for X . It been a dream of X's and now its come true. This also provides X and X's higher libido with unlimited access to get any and all sexual needs met and take the pressure off of Y. Give Y time to sort out or educate himself on his problems. As a result from the honeymoon and for the next 9 months the married person Y is not having sex with spouse (X) or anyone else that we know of.
From a poly forum perspective we would generally hear from Y. Y seems to have sexual and intimate needs and is unable to have them met.
Can you see how in Cindies case she could have been the one complaining about the lack of sex. Nothing to do with a gender biases at all.
I wouldn't disagree that intimacy and sexual problems happen in all types of marriages and dynamics so that's a common problem. What makes this different is the services of the outside contractor Z. It not the problem but damn sure is a factor. If cindies husband had outside romantic relationships and was getting his romantic physical touch, and sexual urges satisfied by several others that wouldn't be factored in the situation....really.
Tp you said you don't believe in primary and secondary labels so what was the point of marrying Indigo? What does marriage mean to you?
Last edited by dingedheart; 11-02-2011 at 03:18 PM.