Is my marriage over?
Hi all. New here. Hope you're all well.
I don't know how to write about this. I'm not a very good writer, and I'm tired, bone tired, right now.
I'm not poly. Neither, had I thought, was my wife. What we are, or were, was swingers. Whether or not that's a variety of polyamory, I don't want to get into. Technically I suppose it is, but the two cultures seem a good bit different, and have not always been respectful of their differences. But...it is what it is.
Here's the deal: my wife has been seeing a man on the side for the better part of a year. She and he have gotten very close. Or rather, she's gotten close to him; he's distant and aloof and imperceptive of her feelings. or so I'm told. So last week she tells me that she loves him.
This was off limits for us. We had both promised to break things off with play partners if it started to get too serious. I'm crushed. I tell her I can't deal with it, that statement, that situation is a bridge too far for me. I can share her sexually. Not emotionally. I've made her very aware of this in the past, and she always assented to it. So tonight she tells me that she won't break it off, per our agreement. That the agreement was naive. And perhaps it was. I have, however, been awarded the right to ask her to stop at any time, although she tells me she doesn't feel obligated to listen.
In the end, I told her fine, do what you want. But if you go on with your lover after telling me this, you're killing me piecemeal.
I guess I have a choice. Accept a poly relationship and suffer, or don't accept it and still suffer. Not really sure what to do.