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Old 11-01-2011, 08:56 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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My husband has been dating somebody with HSV-2, when she found out she had two people she'd been dating who pretty much broke up with her immediately. She has dealt with a lot of rejection she says. Of course she has also met a lot of people who haven't rejected her, and she has a pretty active dating life. She discloses to people in the first or second message exchange.

The worst part for me is that she said two different poly guys she met on OK cupid said they have it, but only told her because she has it, and they do not tell people they date that they have it.

I went to get tested because after seeing the statistics I figured I should not assume that I don't have it (including that 80% of people who have it don't know) so that my husband wasn't precluded from being more intimate with her on the assumption that we don't have it. I haven't been exposed, but ironically while I was waiting for my results my boyfriends girlfriend ended up testing positive, so there's a holding pattern while they decide what to do. I don't WANT HSV-2 of course, but I do not think the having it is as bad as the social stigma surrounding it, and would not stop being intimate with him because of that. I think a lot more people are willing to take a risk with HSV-2 than you might think/feel at this moment - there was a thread about it recently on fetlife in the poly and kinky group, and mainly it seemed people with compromised immune systems that were more vehement that they couldn't take the risk.

So I would say be matter of fact about it, don't feel ashamed or treat it as if it's something horrible. Have the research read so you can answer questions if people have them. If you meet somebody you really like, don't feel like you can't gently suggest they get tested too since so many people don't know they have it. The less you make is seem like a "big deal" the less others are going to jump to the conclusion it's a "big deal"
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