View Single Post
Old 11-01-2011, 08:26 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
why do you think that was a sexist statement ?
Why should it be the man complaining about the lack of sex, instead of the woman? If you don't understand, I really can't be bothered to explain it any further. Perhaps someone else would care to.

It sounded like there was an issue in which he wasn't stepping up to his responsibilities as husband and partner in terms of finances...his priorities may have been out of line with yours. His priorities as a partner.
In terms of finances, yes. He does more than his fair share around the house, and I would be fine with minding the bills, etc., but the credit issues mindfucked me. He has made a solid effort to keep track of things in the last few weeks (calling the two companies in question to make sure the issues are still on their radar to be resolved) and has an appointment with a credit counselor Friday. If he continues to follow up with the two issues like he has for the last while, and takes care of any future issues in the same way, I would be perfectly happy.

The honeymoon sex question... I was thinking in general terms .. great, good, ok but more information is all way good....or can't hurt, right. The reason for the question was after 9 month and counting would it be a fond or sustaining memory for him.
I don't think this really applies. He's never been very sex-focused, and is looking at the relationship as a whole. I would imagine that knowing we can be good together is the sustaining thought, not that we can have sex again.

So he doesn't have a problem with the lack of sex?
Of course the lack of sex bothers him. I think he's better able to step back from that particular issue than me though, and look at everything. He's also much more patient than me.

And his words and jokes indicate that he's fine with that going on around him. And even tho you have a problem with him telling lies you believe him.
Yes. If I ask him, then double and triple-check, then yes. I am only willing to take so much responsibility for his feelings. If he lies to me about this, he's hurting himself. Not that I wouldn't work with him after the fact to make things better/easier/what have you, but I'm not going to feel guilty when I did all I could beforehand to make sure he was comfy. Whereas if he lies/sticks head in sand/whatever you want to call it about finances, it could affect both of us very much. When he pre-emptively decides what I can handle in other regards, that's impeding my independence and progress with managing my anxiety.

It sounded like very little progress had been made if after 6 months and you feel like your marriage is crumbling around you and you haven't had sex with your husband in 9 months. So what you're saying is you were having a bad day and things weren't as bleak as they may have seemed yesterday.
Yes. It felt insurmountable at the time, it's more manageable now.

Is the therapist poly friendly or poly approved. Someone should come up with a seal to stamp on things for just such occasions.
Sorry, forgot to answer this before.

We don't know. We both agreed that none of our issues pertain to poly. Not even in the slightest; it's quite bizarre. We haven't told the counselor because we didn't want to risk being denied service (it's through the wellness program at work) or worse yet, told that poly was the problem when neither of us feels that way.
Reply With Quote