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Old 11-01-2011, 05:59 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Maybe what you need is to state what you want , and find ways to create that. Even if it's just in exercises you give yourself, so that you feel empowered and not passive. Perhaps if you would take charge more, you won't feel like Alex is controlling, or that any relationship means you have to give up all control.

Ultimately, you do have a say in how you live your life, even if it seems like you're not in control. That's because, essentially, you're the one who's stepping back from making decisions, expressing yourself, etc.

Here's an exercise that I was taught and found to be an eye-opener:
For three days, every time you find yourself grumbling and complaining about something or someone, or blaming others for things you don't like in your life, whether out loud or in your head to yourself, add this to the end of your sentence: "and this is what I want." So, for example, next time you feel things are closing in around you, you find yourself thinking, "God, I never have any time to myself!" then say, "and this is what I want." Alex gets snippy with you and it's "That's a shitty thing for her to say... and this is what I want." Or "Wow, she can be such a bitch... and this is what I want." You have a moment where you feel like you're being a pushover, then it's "Oh, why do I have to be so wishy-washy and passive... and this is what I want." Standing on a long line at the grocery store becomes, "Ugh, this cashier is so slow, I hate this store... and this is what I want."
It may not always make sense. It's not about others not being responsible for their actions, but it is about how you construct your world-view and relate to others. Do that for three days and you might learn something really important about how you interact with the world and make choices for yourself.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 11-01-2011 at 06:03 PM.
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