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Old 10-31-2011, 08:30 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Mmmm. The problem with hoping things will get better is that they don't get better all by themselves. Believe me, I know from experience. So, I think, even though you have been in therapy for four years together, it's still not working either because you two haven't gotten to the core issues, or it's done and time to walk away. If you "always feel like you want out," that should tell you something. But it's not anyone else's place to judge you if you do end the relationship. I hate when people get like that.

Another thing to consider (and address in therapy) is whether your feeling stuck and unhappy has to do with Alex, or if it's something you bring with you to every relationship. Maybe that has nothing to do with your current situation, and is a learned pattern you've habituated yourself toward. Look back at past relationships and if they had a similar downward spiral, that may be something to look at.

I think you should also acknowledge yourself for connecting the dots and making this realization. Some people go 20 years in shitty situations always hoping it will get better, and it goes nowhere. Also, it's really fucking awesome, I think, that you have seen it's not about being poly or mono that will make your relationship or life rewarding, and that it's not necessarily having multiple partners in your life that will bring you happiness, peace, or satisfaction. It's all about being honest and true to yourself first.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 10-31-2011 at 09:06 PM.
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