But I had betrayed them, too. We all talked, and sorted it out. My husband and I are good now. We both behaved in ways that aren't characteristic for us... and it sucked, but I think we learned from it and grew as a couple and as individuals. Still, what I read does haunt me some.
In the past two months, between her new schedule, and her thrush and stuff related to her just-out-of-the nest son, she's been really stressing, and once again, withdrawing. We talked to her about it, and she said she'd try harder... but she's seemed so utterly unhappy. Well, a week ago, I was frustrated and feeling disconnected from her. She posts on another poly site, and had asked me to join some time back. I did, but at the time, didn't read her old posts... but then I decided last week to go back and read them. She didn't care if I read them, so this wasn't any sort of betrayal... but this was a curiosity killed the cat sort of situation.
What I uncovered was that she talked about her two previous attempts at a triad in nearly identical terms as she's talked about our triad with her. Her last triad ended, in part, because it was a poly fidelity situation and the wife of the couple decided she didn't like that and found another girlfriend. Her husband could not handle that, and ultimately left (not only for that reason, but it was the catalyst). When he left, our GF stayed together with his wife. But she then decided to go back home where she was from... and they stayed together, at least in theory. What was really happening was that the GF was using our GF to pay her storage and cell phone bills. They were allowed to see other people, but the agreement was that they were supposed to share this information with one another before anything major emotionally or sexually transpired.
Well, the GF got a boyfriend and didn't tell our GF until they'd been involved emotionally and sexually for weeks. We had plenty of evidence that this woman was a piece of crap (she abandoned ALL of her storage stuff, despite repeated attempts to get her to come get it, and all of her daughters' baby pictures, toys, clothes, etc, etc were in there - lots of irreplaceable things, and never even made the slightest attempt to come get any of it - in fact, she didn't even return emails or phone calls).
Anyway, the point is, that relationship was, from what we'd heard, never all that healthy. We then read about it in glowing terms. Our GF told us she'd never loved that woman, and realized it in retrospect, but only a year ago, she was talking on her forum about how she'd never loved anybody so much ever. Things she's said to us, in some cases, verbatim, were said about her relationship with the two of them... and especially where the wife was concerned.
(Part III coming)