View Single Post
Old 10-31-2011, 01:27 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

Originally Posted by kirsten View Post
two can't live together, then how can you expect to start a family together?
That's what I keep saying, but she says that it's normal for a couple to have problems when they first move in together. I think that's true, but weekly fighting (or even week-long fights) seems like more than normal adjustment problems. Especially when it lasts for 3 months...

You say that she has had a rough couple of years, but if she is still having a rough time, then now is not the time to start a family.
I agree. But biological clock and all...

If she is trying to tie you to something that you aren't willing to be tied to, and she is putting a timeline on it, then the kinder thing to do may be to end it now. Rather than hem and haw for a year or two while she keeps getting older (and surely more stressed out about the relationship). Or worse yet, having kids and then splitting up!
I want kids. I'm just not sure I want them next year. BUT, here's where the poly thing is coming in: If I had kids next year, and could still sleep with a few other women I'd be more comfortable with it.

I just think that you want to focus on the poly question because you are avoiding the real issues in your relationship.

No, I think I mentioned we are in therapy to deal with the "real issues." But I would consider my... hmm... fear? of never getting to know anyone else one of our real problems. The options on that are: Poly relationship until I calm down, or I convince myself that there's no reason to ever want to sleep with anyone else.

So I see this as one of the real problems I am trying to work through. I can't find the quote, but in "Polyamory in the 21st Century" says something to the effect of "a person can't be truly ready for a monogamous relationship until they've experienced other relationships." Maybe I saw that somewhere else?

Anyway, that seemed to hit home for me.

For the record, though, we talked the other night and I told her we're not doing any form of "seeing other people" until we've worked out our other problems. I also told her I'm reading a book on polyamory and asked her to read it with me... which was NOT an idea she was fond of. She eventually accepted though, after realizing there were books I had read when she requested. She seems pretty adamant that she would never accept this lifestyle though... so I still need to figure out if it's even what I really want, and then it might have to be without her. I am hoping the book helps her see it in a better light though...
Reply With Quote