Originally Posted by beginninglove
. . . often I tell Alex beforehand "I won't see Sam for such-and-such amount of time after this" but then I find it REALLY hard to stick to that.
Why, when saying you want to spend time with Sam, do you add in the idea that you will go a certain amount of time before you see her again? That sounds like you feel really guilty about what you're doing. You know, like when Lucy wants Ricky to put her in his show, she says, "I promise I won't ask you again." It's a childish way of asking for what you want.
I think that, instead of requesting permission from Alex as if she's your mother, figure out how often you want to see Sam, and stick to it. Then just set up an agreement that you will plan ahead, put it on the calendar, etc., so that Alex is aware of when you'll be with Sam. Set up a Google calendar. So, let's say that you and Sam want three nights a week together, or two nights and one full day on the weekend, or an overnight somewhere in there, whatever. You can designate specific nights for that or play it by ear, but Alex will know she agreed to that amount. This way you don't feel like you're this bad girl begging for a little fun. Then, if there is something Alex wants to do and it happens to be a night you have scheduled to see Sam, you can negotiate: "Well, that is my night to see Sam, but I'll see if she'd be okay with switching it because I'd really like to do this with you."
Just approach it like adults who are making their own choices, since that's what you are, not like you're doing this terrible thing and are hoping to get away with it. Ultimately, if you are acting ethically, honestly, and without hiding anything, the only thing left is for Alex to forgive you fully and completely -- and that's up to her -- so you can both move on.