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Old 10-27-2011, 08:45 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
She is bisexual, while I (unfortunately) am not.
Wow, I don't think I have ever heard "unfortunately" in terms of not being bisexual. Most would say, "fortunately." Awesome that you see it that way.

Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
We have had two wonderful experiences with unicorns, but unfortunately none that lasted long.
Seems to be common amongst unicorns that they are not a long term arrangement. Not to say that it doesn't happen, just that it is rare. I have found from listening here (if one could call reading listening that is) that they are usually in between relationships, unable to take care of themselves financially or emotionally or both and are looking to be with the man as an end result; in a "vee." There are triads that work and work well... it seems that the ones that do evolved out of friendships over time and circumstance. Perhaps you are taking the wrong approach and should look for poly friends without intent to date, but just see what happens. The worst case scenario would be you would develop a lovely community of friends around you.... not to bad I would think. Best case might be finding a suitable partner for a triad.

Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
We don’t care too much about age, ethnicity, lifestyle, or any kind of poly-fidelity as it were. We care about trust, communication, and love … and strongly believe in encouraging independence in our third partner as much as we encourage independence with each other. And includes her finding a committed primary of her own if that’s her desire (though hopefully we could be included somehow in the equation!).
You should stead very well with these expectations. By the definition of unicorn, this is not the criteria for one. Unicorns are poly-fi.... but whatever, you have obviously thought this out well and learned what you are looking for. If you are into semantics then I would say you are looking to find a third for a triad rather than a unicorn. It might help to put that out there instead so that others who know the term don't think you want poly-fi.

So my question: how can we find someone compatible without seeming creepy and/or overly-demanding?
Well, just don't be creepy and overly-demanding! Seriously, I would think that if you just sit back, relax. Make some friends. Enjoy who comes into your life and might go from your life. See where you go when you put what you want out there, but realize that it might take time.

Doors open when they are ready to in my experience with this. Forcing it doesn't seem to warrant success and seems to actually prohibit success. It sounds to me like everyone you have both dated has taught you something that will add to what you will eventually receive if you ask for it. Be careful what you ask for though, it might be that you are better off with what you get. How does the song go? "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."(Rolling Stones) That has been my motto for years and I am living in a happy functioning vee with two other partners on top of that as a result (in my belief anyway). Never thought I would get here, but enjoyed the journey! "Life is a journey, not a destination".... there is another one for you.
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Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 10-27-2011 at 10:44 PM.
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