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Old 10-27-2011, 02:35 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo NY, willing to relocate
Posts: 99

1. What are the set of ideologies/ideas that made you pursue polyamory?

Equality is very important to me, and to me, polyamory embraces this ideal. Personal growth is also very encouraged when in an ethical polyamorous situation, it is truly amazing! Spiritually, I know that by challenging myself to be less selfish and care for others, I will be a better, purer person. I also believe that effort is rewarded, whether or not you get the reward you expect. I am also pansexual/bisexual and have an interest at exploring both at the same time. I feel that polyamory is an 'answer' to our societies limiting 'nuclear family' model which is quite constraining & un-natural when you examine how humans are social beings. Communication within relationships and freedom are also very important to me.

"Polyamory takes the issue of human equality and makes it real. It raises the issue of gender equality and makes it tangible. It takes the issue of relinquishing possession and control over others, which supposedly went out with slavery, and brings it to life. It is walking the talk of freedom. Freedom is political. If you are not free to love the way you really want to love, then you're not really free."

2. How do you define polyamory?

The practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Note: 'intimate' not defined as sex, but with a focus on the close bonds created. Not excluding sex either per se

Also, even if not practicing, the Ability to do so is still polyamorous to me.

This article really embodies my views...

Main article: Values within polyamory

* Fidelity and loyalty: Many polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual exclusivity but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship. A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and honesty" or "growing old together".[33]

* Communication and negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, polyamorists often advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to establish the terms of their relationships, and often emphasize that this should be an ongoing process of honest communication and respect. Polyamorists usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; they accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals, and that communication is important for repairing any breaches.

3. What are the current controversies within the polyamory "movement"/"community" ( this question can be answered by exploring what exactly is " polyamory movement and community").

Controversial issues that I see in the community & from people interested are mostly how to deal with... (a)ethics ethical poly vs whats not, (b)whether to come out to your family, (c) raising children & the love the parents have for them & the health & whats appropriate & best for the kids & why is it so hard to explain more LOVE when divorce is so common to explain.

4. What social and cultural problems have you encountered (how do people react if/when you tell them about your choices)?

My friends have been accepting and encouraging. Others have called me a slut, react with jealousy, react with fear, resort to saying things that were socialized in them such as "the bible says", but act hypocritically because they don't even believe what they are saying. Also, many take it that I am up for casual sex or that I don't care about my partner or that I am abusing him, or that I am not honest with him. Basically, people make judgements about everything they don't know about, people assume the worst when there is something new because they are afraid of change.

When I had two boyfriends we would go to the theme park just so I could hold hands/link arms with both of them in public.

The societal idea that once in a relationship with someone, you 'possess' them and should control them. annoying

5. How much is sexuality a part of polyamory?

Well....... er... How much is sexuality a part of Monogamy? There's your answer, its different for everyone. Although I do agree with what Annebelle said about sexuality & sexual needs being fullfilled more flexibly.

6. Why pursue polyamory despite it being relatively stigmatized in our society?

I think our society does dumb stuff & has ridiculous ideas anyway. LOL I mean, have you watched TV recently?

7. Have you ever been in non-polyamorous relationships?
Even though it was not sexual, I was raised a Christian & I believe that means that you love everyone as yourself. I love people, I have a love for humanity, I have always had my parents & friends that I loved all at the same time. That is polyamorous.

Have I ever been in a monogamous relationship sexually? Yes

Have I ever had monogamous sexual relationships, yet emotionally polyamorous? Yes

Have I ever had non-monogamous relationships, yet emotional monogamy? kinda... I experimented with swinging a few times with my boyfriend, but he was my main partner at the time and still is even though we don't swing anymore.

8. How is polyamory different from swingers and other forms of sexuality?

In swinging sex is a purely physical agreement/ordeal. In polyamory, sex is an expression of a loving bond as well. But there are tons of in-betweens for different people's relationships all work differently. Some have FWB or Swoly, or OR...

9. How does an open relationship affect the position of the partners in terms of distribution of power and inequality?

A truly open relationship equalizes the power and equality. However because of the stigma in our society towards men, OPP fidelity (one penis policy), & the sexualization of women; our society would view it as an imbalance because there would seem to be more interest in dating the women.

10. Would it make you feel better if your choices were approved by the state and general public?

Yes. I am looking forward to it becomming more accepted.

11. a. Do you feel there is a stigma on people in open relationships?

Yes, but I feel it is becomming less so, & I also feel more liberated from other people's feelings on the issue as not only are there plenty of people who understand, but most importantly, I understand myself.

11. b. How does this hinder your activities (both sexual and non-sexual)?

I have to explain myself a bunch, I have to be careful not to be taken advantage of. People think they can convince me to have sex with them more easily, or join a harem with them without my realizing it (using trickery) or some such nonsense.

12. Is the stigma on the individuals or the concept of polyamory?
The government has a stigma on the concept.
It depends on the person stigmatizing as to whom they will blame.

Last edited by Senga; 10-27-2011 at 02:47 PM.
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